I give my lady a lot of crap on this blog about some of the TV she watches, and she largely shrugs it off.  A few weeks ago though, I (yes, I) elected to start watching ABC's The Bachelor because a) nothing is on Monday nights, b) I enjoy making fun of people taking themselves and their surroundings too seriously and c) should I ever have a daughter, she'll need some dating advice -- of what not to do.

I could make a laundry list of lessons learned from The Bachelor, but instead, I thought I'd keep a running diary of the latest episode.  So tonight, armed with nothing but my wife, my MacBook and a bowl of chocolate animal crackers I give you my notes.  Here's what transpired:

8:00 P.T. -- Tonight's episode of The Bachelor takes place in my parents' old stomping grounds of Panama.  For a moment I considered calling them, and suggesting that they tune in.  But I'm not clear if my parents are awake*, care that much, and frankly...I'm uneasy even admitting that I watch this. 

*My father mounted a 60" flatscreen on my parent's bedroom wall.  This fascinates me because I've never seen my dad stay awake for more than about nine minutes while lying down.  I picture him falling asleep to Law & Order and then getting some kind of RF tan from the light of the TV all night.  He put a ton of reseach into his TVs, but really only uses them to occasionally watch Law & Order and the PGA Tour.  But more often than not, my parents watch the DirecTV logo as it bounces around the screen on one the many music channels.

8:04 -- Right away Ben (the bachelor, who doubles a dopey version of Dax Shepard, or if you ask my buddy Danny: Roger Federer) takes Kasey B (a front-runner) into a helicopter.  The helicopter date is a double-edged sword.  Good views.  Loud blades spinning very quickly.  Exciting, yes; but no woman looks sexy in the giant headphones.

8:06 -- Ben and Kasey B. spend somewhere between, what I estimate as, 35-90 minutes on one of the San Blas islands.  She was instructed to bring three thing with her and chose: a cork-screw/knife (HANDY!), a bag of candy (Um...Ok...), and a green, stuffed monkey toy (...check please!...).  They cut down coconuts, catch a fish with a net the size of Rhode Island, and build a fire.

8:08 -- My wife mentions that is the first date that's ever been worthwhile on The Bachelor.  It's clear that these two kinda have something.  They work well together.  He makes a fire, she brings more sticks.  He compliments her.  They could end the show now, leave them on the island forever and we could all go on with our lives.

8:10 -- Ben and Kasey B. are now having dinner somewhere on the mainland.  They're making some really awkward chit-chat as Kasey reveals in her on-camera interviews that she's really trying to go deeper and be more open.  This will be a reoccurring theme throughout the episode tonight.

8:16 -- It's at this point I notice that Ben is wearing a watch the size of a garbage can lid.  The timepiece is enormous and he is no way compensating for anything.

8:18 -- Kasey B., in an effort to remind Ben how deep she is, reveals that he had an eating disorder in high school.  It lasted a year,  This came as no surprise to me as I've noticed she hasn't finished any of her dinners on these dates.

8:33 -- On a group date, Ben and most of the ladies travel down The Chagres River (Ben pronounces it wrong, and I know this for a fact) and spend some time with the Embera tribe.  They all dance and wear the customary tribal clothes.  All the ladies wear bright and shiny tops over their bikini tops except for one.  She is blurred out for much of the segment.  When in Panama...**

**I'm surprised there weren't more "blurcles" in this segment.  Every slide-show and photo my parents and grandparents have shown me of the Embera women indicate that none of them wear anything above the waist.

8:40 -- Some time has passed and the women are enjoying a cocktail hour at the hotel.  These women are never separated and it appears that every moment they're not on a date (which is often) they lounge around knocking down cosmos while casting judgement and aspersions on one another.  Courtney, the sociopath model takes Ben by the hand to a giant chair/sci-fi exhibit and gives him her room number.  She is, without a doubt, the most aggressive and forward of any of the women and is hated by all.

8:42 -- My wife udders the obligatory "Who is she?" question, referring to Jamie (a woman we've barely seen through the first five episodes).  I shrug.  But I think we both agree she's too nice to be a contender.

8:43 -- Ben appears bored, which is the first time I've felt like we have something in common.

8:45 -- Jamie has pulled Ben aside and the dental hygienist from Houston is doing her damnedest to be engaging and finagle a kiss (she's the only one who hasn't been kissed by Ben yet).  Courtney however, has decided to strip down to a bikini and a glass of red wine and prance around behind Jamie during the entire conversation.  This is distracting to Ben.  And myself.  Jamie and Ben stand up and eventually surrender, knowing that the last three minutes has been an utter waste of their time.

8:50 -- Emily, a PhD student from UNC, is now having a private conversation with Ben.  On each of the previous two episodes she has expressed concerns about Courtney's motives during her one-on-ones with Ben.  It's a huge turn-off to him, and this appears to be going in the same direction.  She starts by explaining that she has feelings for another man (FORESHADOWING) and then jokingly reveals that it was the Embera chief.  I'll say this for Emily, she has a sense of humor and also makes the best 'shocked' faces of any woman on the show.

8:55 -- During her one-on-one time with Ben, Courtney gave him her room-number and is now fixing her hair in the mirror.  On the counter is a hairbrush, toothbrush, a bottle of conditioner, perfume, and half a bottle of Clozaril.

8:56 -- Ben doesn't show and we watch Courtney be sad though a Barbara Waltersesque camera filter.

HALFTIME!

9:00 -- There's a commercial for the new Drioid Razr in which the 'scientists' put the phones on some kind of turntable and then multicolored paint is sprayed down with laser-like accuracy.  I called BS on this commercial because of the number of physics and geometry laws it ignored.  My wife rolled her eyes at me.

9:02 -- Ben informs the ladies that "I have a bit of fun planned for us today."  Me: "No you don't.  The thirty-three producers do."

9:04 -- Ben has selected two women to join him for Salsa dancing lessons.  The instructor looks a little Venus Williams and is dressed like Venus Williams as well.  I'm unclear as to why she's busted out the $200 active wear to slowly teach three people how to dance in a 6' x 6' square.

9:05 -- Rachel (not my wife; one of the two ladies on the date) attempts to cut-in and dance, but is rebuffed.  It's an awkward walk back to the chair, which she leans against somewhat casually.

9:07 -- Blakely (the VIP Cocktail Waitress...do the math...) and Rachel are at dinner with Ben.  During this meal he will choose one of them, and the other will head back the US of A.  (I know, why can't she just stay there and be forced to live among the Embera?)  My wife pleads that Ben will offer the rose to neither of them and they'll both be forced out.  Ben elects to keep Rachel though, and Blakely, despite her cute scrapbook made from hotel pamphlets and magazines is sent home.  When told of the news, Emily makes her shocked face.  I'm telling you, it's Oscar worthy.

9:14 -- A lonely cat is shown walking the dark streets of Panama City.  I am not making this up.

9:22 -- Chris Harrison***, the host, shows up in the ladies' hotel room and asks to borrow Casey S.  "It's a serious matter," he explains.  If this is serious, then I'm dying to know what Harrison's take is on the situation in Darfur.

***Harrison has the best gig in the world.  He makes sure there are roses at the swanky five-star resort and then heads to the next exotic location to sight-see and play on his iPad.

9:24 -- It appears that the producers have discovered that Casey S. actually has a boyfriend back in her hometown of Leawood, Kansas.  When first confronted with this news, she denies it.  But moments later exclaims, "Maybe I should be in therapy or something."  Note to any women who are considering finding love on a game show: You need to be therapy.  Years of it.  Seek treatment!.

9:35 -- For the last few minutes Casey S. has been crying.  Not little tears, but flat-out ugly crying.  No.  That's not accurate.  It's ugly, ultrasonic crying.  Imagine a dolphin watching the scene in The Neverending Story where Artax the horse drowns in the Swamp of Sadness (I refuse to link to that because it's late and I can't handle it.)  Ben dodged a bullet with this one.  She is asked to leave.****  Upon hearing the news that Casey S. is no longer a contestant Emily makes yet another shocked face.  I need to have T-shirts made.

****My wife makes a point that this is pretty hypocritical of Ben, seeing as that he's dating multiple women at once.  When she's right, she's right.

9:36 -- Harrison explains to the remaining women that "If you're not open and honest in finding love, this will never work."  Letsee Chris, The Bachelor has been on for what, 16 seasons? And how many couples are still together?  I rest my case, and suddenly have more sympathy for Courtney.

9:48 -- In an effort to make up for the lousy conversation and shy demeanor from earlier, Jamie takes Ben aside at another cocktail party and puts the moves on him.  She straddles his lap and attempts to make-out for what amounts to the most excruciating five minutes of passion I've ever witnessed.  Anne Heche and Harrison Ford had better chemistry in Six Days Seven Nights.  In fact, I imagine a love scene between John Stamos and one of the Olsen Twins would be less painful...or Jack Nicholson and Megan Fox.  Know what? You could watch a film staring Jake and Maggie Gyllenhall as star-crossed lovers and it wouldn't make you cringe as much as this scene on The Bachelor.

9:55 -- After a pretty obvious rose ceremony, Jamie is sent home and I can look forward to next Monday.

10:03 -- Castle?  People watch this?

 

 

 

 

For the last few days I've been held hostage in my own home by Mother Nature.  There's dozens and dozens of trees down and even more limbs scattering the roads.  Through the miracle of the internal combustion engine and the goodwill of a neighbor who's been donating fuel, we've been able to keep the electricity flowing.  I thought I'd share some photos and thoughts that I've had while trying to keep warm.

This was taken directly across the street from my home.  You could hear limbs snapping all night.  It sounds like those scenes in Band of Brothers where the teams is taking shelter in a German farm or something, and you can hear the distant mortar shells and machine gun fire.  And then when you finally walk outside, it looks like a froze Mt. St. Helens blew up.

This is the damn bane of my existence right now.  The power lines in some places are sagging so low that you can almost reach up and grab them.  In fact, one had broken and fell across our lawn/driveway a few days ago.  If you ever want to know what I'm really like at 4:30 AM, fresh out of a deep sleep, let this exchange illuminate you:

Wife (whispering): "Hey....hey....there's a cable down in our yard."

Me: "Uh-huh"

Wife: "What should we do?"

Me: "Ummm...keep the dog and kids inside?"

Wife: "But what about the cable?"

Me: "Call the PUD [Public Utility District]."

Wife: "How do I find their number?"

Me: "PHONEBOOK."

Now, I'll be first to admit I was a) kinda rude and b) hypocritical since in one of my previous posts I indicated my distain for phonebooks.  But before sunrise, I'm pretty incoherent, stupid and surly. 

These cows live next door to me.  Literally.  They're about a sand-wedge from my house right now.  I spent my lunch-break on Wednesday shoveling snow off the barn that's just out of frame to the left.  If you want a good work-out, may I suggest shoveling wet snow off the roof of a barn?  Seriously.  Come do it.

I've walked down this road about five times in the last two days, and each time I'm carrying a five-gallon can of unleaded.  Give me a few blankets and a shopping cart and I could pass for an extra in The Road (though I play it more like I'm Denzel in The Book of Eli).  It's eerily quiet on this road, except for the occasional chainsaw...which doesn't do anything to assuage my apocalypse fears.

This is one of the few mailboxes still standing on the main road.  Most are buried under snow, knocked over by snow plows or encased in ice like Captain America.  I've been so isolated during the last few days that when our mailman drove up today, part of me went into Lord of The Rings mode:

Me: "Good sir! What news have you from the East?"

Wayne the Mailman: "Umm, here's your GQ and a Gorge Classifieds."

I snapped these photos on one of my walks up the main road and GOOD GOD LOOK THAT AMOUNT OF ICE THAT BRANCH!  There are surfaces on which ice should not be able to form.  This thing looks like something from The Abyss.  And the crazy thing is that it only took a few hours for this to occur.  

I took the boys out for a good old fashioned snowball fight this morning and it quickly escalted into an all-out snow war.  So just for fun, I thought I'd share a few moments from the battle.

 

Recently at my day-job, I was tasked with ordering new photography gear for my department.  I love opportunities like that when the stars align and what puts the food on your table aligns with your passion.  So what to my wondering eyes doth appeared yesterday?  But a new DSLR, a couple lenses, and a host of accessories.  Another solid coincidence, is that I've got a five-day weekend to test and play with said gear so I'm able to teach and explain it all to the rest of my coworkers when I return.

Today I was home alone with the boys for much of the day, and we had a blast building marble runs, wrestling, building things out of cardboard, eating a lot of sandwiches and watching Batman.*

*I watched the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises about eleven times on Wednesday, so needless to say, I'm super psyched.  So psyched, in fact, that I watched The Dark Knight last night and even got my wife to watch about 15 minutes of it before she said...and I'm still dumb struck by this..."I didn't know The Joker was a bad guy.  I always thought he was a good guy."  Feel free to comment and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that women know nothing about A) world war history B) land-speed records and super-heroes** and their associated mythology.)

**And YES, I know that Batman is technically a crime-fighter and NOT a super-hero due to the fact that he doesn't possess any super-powers.

Below are a few of my test shots with the new camera.  Just a small window into day with my kids; which reminds me, I need to post some of the videos that go along with these at some point. 

Sometimes I name photos after whatever song I was listening to when I took them.  It's a fun way for me to relive the moment with two senses instead of one.

I snagged this shot from my pickup on the way home from work.  I pulled over in a pretty common place where I often see people holding their iPhones out the window of their Subarus, and I thought it would be nice to take it up a notch.

On the way home from a family event in The Dalles, we stopped off (as we usually do) at Schreiner Farms.  The ranch sits on 12,000 acres and is home to about 20 different species of exotic animals.  The kids love looking at the zebras, giraffes, bison, camels, etc.  It's also home to one of my favorite views of Mt. Hood.  I snapped this photo about halfway down their driveway.

It's just after 5:00 AM and I've been watching Winnie the Pooh with my two-year-old for the last half hour.  You would think he just lost interest in the show due to his request* for the iPad a couple minutes ago, but make no mistake, if I were to change the channel right now, it would be upsetting.

*J.J. has a unique way of asking...almost pleading...for something and then making you feel like it was your idea all along.

J.J.: "Daddy!  Daddy!  iPad please.  Please iPad.  iPad."

Me: "Ok, buddy.  You want the iPad?"

J.J.: "Ok, sure.  Yeah, Daddy."

So while J.J. watches netball on Youtube (don't ask me why), I'm left thinking about what Christmas movies I have left to watch for the season.  If you talk about movies as much as I do, you probably say two words that play an important role in your conversations: underrated and overrated.

People may say a movie is overrated because it had an enormous amount of unwarranted critical praise (Elf) or underrated due to obscurity (The Snowman).  However, I'm more interested in the movies that are rated properly; movies that no one thinks are better or worse than they actually are; movies where no one is confused about their importance to the culture of cinema.

So with that, here is my list of the most properly rated Christmas movies ever.

10. Home Alone

It made Macaulay Culkin a) a household name b) a bazillionaire c) a coked-out child-star and d) Michael Jackson's bunk-mate.  It's success is undeniable.  It's pretty much a live-action cartoon with a John Hughes script.  Home Alone may not be big or even clever but it’s a lot of fun and, in its own way, emphasises the importance of love and family just as much as It’s A Wonderful Life. As in Capra’s tale, being deprived of family and safety makes little tyke Culkin realise how much he needs them, and fending off burglars all alone gives him a unique appreciation of the Christmas spirit. Also, he gets to drop a hot iron on someone’s face, so that’s nice.

9. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I've probably seen this movie more than any other holiday film with the exception of A Christmas Story (but only because TBS runs the hell out of it on Christmas Eve).  I grew up with a VHS copy of this taped off of NBC complete with commercials for Fresh Prince.  I loved it.  But it was only when my friend Nick came over and watched it with me that I learned that the NBC version was heavily censored.  Nick brought me the legit version a few weeks later and we watched all summer when we weren't playing baseball in the backyard.  Christmas Vacation is widely considered the funniest holiday movie that doesn't involve paint-cans to the orbital sockets.  If, even for a second, you think this movie is overrated, I'll point you to the fact that Turner Classic Movies started airing it in 2007.  That should satisfy the high-brow crowd.  And you know what?  Two years later it made it's debut on CMT, which should satisfy viewers who have no idea what CMT usually airs...which is all of their viewers.  

8. A Christmas Story

I mentioned to my wife the other day that our oldest son's Christmas wish of: "I want a Paper Jamz Pro Series Guitar Series One with a Riff Strip" is not too dissimilar to an "I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!"  I don't have to worry about my kid losing an eye with it, but I still have to remain concerned that he'll grow up to be a semi-professional rock-star.  A Christmas Story isn't overrated, despite whatever my beloved claims.  It's genius is it's simplicity and honesty.  They're the same traits that make it as funny today as it was in 1983.

7. It's a Wonderful Life

Since It's a Wonderful is largely considered the best Christmas movie of all time.  It's also widely considered to have the best story and characters and is oft quoted.  Therefore it is rated properly.

6. Miracle on the 34th Street

I recently introduced my wife to this movie.  I'll say that again.  I recently introduced my wife to this movie.  I'm unlcear as to how a woman of her schmaltziness had never seen it, but let's just assume that for the first 17 years of her life she was held in a Japanese internment camp where all they allow the prisoners to watch is Teen Mom, Parenthood and Friday Night Lights (two out three ain't bad).  Regardless, she enjoyed it.  I even caught her chuckling through at a few scenes and only dozing once.  At a certain point, she turned to me on the sofa and asked, "How many times have you seen this?"  I did the math and I think the answer is 57.  No one can really dispute that Miracle on 34th Street is a top-10 holiday film.  It just is.

5. Jingle All the Way

Most people I know find this movie deplorable.  And it is.  And for that reason, it is rated correctly.  Interesting side-note, this move served as the second date for my wife and I wayyyyy back when.  Can you believe I actually took her to this nonsense?  Tom Arnold and Arnold Schwarzenegger fought over some toy for 90 minutes.  I musta really had it going on in other departments, because I don't know how I got a third date after this.

4. Die Hard

On the surface, most people don't consider Die Hard a Christmas movie.  It was released in July for cryin' out loud.  But you know what?  So was Miracle on 34th Street, so that argument doesn't hold any weight here.  For any guy out there, it's almost impossible to get through December without watching Die Hard.  There are romantic holiday films, funny holiday films and kick-ass, save-the-hostages-while-barefoot holiday films.  This is the latter and everyone knows where they stand on that.  I can't think of too many holiday-action movies aside from this one...maybe Reindeer Games?  But that movie had so many illogical twists that it practically folded over back onto itself to the point where I hated every character and wished John McClane would've mowed them all down.  Side note: Die Hard was based on a novel which is a fact I can't wrap my head around.  At all.

3. The Polar Express

This one is funny.  When it was first released people had serious issues with the animation.  It looked too creepy, too soulless and many thought it would even frighten kids (not unlike Nicolas Cage).  I don't see how that's possible when you consider the fact that the animation was built on the same technology that the PGA had been using to deconstruct the golf swing for years.  However, The Polar Express kind of pulled a 180 after it's DVD release.  Maybe it just works better on a smaller screen?  I don't know.  Whatever the reason, it now rests firmly on the edge of the Cinematic Christmas Canon, and that's a good place for it.

2. A Muppet Christmas Carol

Look, if Sir Michael Caine says this was his favorite role of his career, who am I to argue?  The man has had a part in every movie ever made.

1. Love Actually

Never seen it.  I hear good things, I mean, let's look at the cast.  Hugh Grant (coming off a good couple hits with About a Boy and Bridget Jones), Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Laura Linney (loved her in Primal Fear), Emma Thompson (who, by contact, must appear in all British imports), Alan Rickman (see Die Hard), Keira Knightley (I'll watch any pretentious period piece as long as she's in it...she got me to watch Atonement), and even Bill Nighy.  That's a stellar cast.  But even great casts can't save a movie (Batman Forever, Valentine's Day and the more recent New Year's Eve, which has a movie poster that looks like a puzzle I don't want to solve).  Regardless, I've heard Love Actually mentioned in enough other movies that I'm sure it's deserving of its rating.  Enough women love it and enough men will never watch it.

 

Kali marks my first senior portrait session this year and we had a gorgeous (albeit slightly chilly) day, especially when the sun started setting as the session wrapped (which made for a good excuse to hit up a hot mocha at Starbucks).  It was perfect light for a good 'downtown' Hood River photoshoot -- a nice mix of textured walls, some autumn leaves that really popped, and the stillness of the river -- it all gave us a great variety of shots from which to play.  I had a real blast with Kali -- we ended up shooting a bunch of silly stuff that didn't make this cut, but they're some of my faves.

I don't deny that I'm a bit of a TV-watcher.  Now that being said, I'm a little choosy when it comes down to what I watch.  I tend to favor dramas (Mad Men) over comedies (Modern Family), but I appreciate it when they meet in the middle (Dexter).  But over the past thirteen weeks I've looked forward to Sunday night specifically for a little something called Breaking Bad.  I'll warn you right now: if you haven't seen this show, but even think you may at some point, stop reading now.  I'm serious.  This season had me on pins and needles for 53 minutes each Sunday.  I truly believe my wife is quite entertained by watching me watch the show.  Each episode found a way to top the next and over four seasons I've seen a relaitively normal and sympathetic character evolve into something utterly reprehensible and I just can't stop watching.  The last episode concluded with a major player being killed off in a particularly fitting, albiet gruesome, way that reminded me a little of a foam toy, my oldest son, and a lesson about death.  It sounds dark, but it has a happy ending, I assure you.

A couple months back we had to take our black-lab, Edgar, into the vet to have this lump removed.  It was nothing major, though it did involve the doc shaving what amounted to a US Letter-sized patch of fur off and about 17 stitches.  While my wife and oldest son were there, the vet handed Miles a small, white, toy cat.  It was squishy and had the name of some pharacuetical imprinted on it's back.  It's basically a little chotsky that some rep handed the vet when he or she dropped off a box off pills.  Be that as it may, Miles latched on to this little, fake feline and named it Spetz.  Spetz came home with him and sat on his bedside table.  Night after night, we'd tuck Miles in and he'd make certain we'd say goodnight to Spetz.

Then one day, the unthinkable occured.

I came home from the office to something deeply disturbing.  At some point, Miles' little brother had chewed off Spetz's little foam face until it resembled something of a cross between Harvey Dent and Catwoman.  If it were a character in Breaking Bad, it would have been Gus's final scene.  Let's leave it at that.  Miles asked if I'd draw a new face on Spetz and I assured him I'd try while he took his shower.  For the record, I did try.  The results were less than spectacualr though and I tossed what was left of Spetz into the garbage.  (A note to future parents, don't toss anything to which your child is attached, no matter what's its condition, into the trash.  At the very least, let them know that if the face you draw on their headless cat may not work out, and should that occur you're going to have to say goodbye).

Later that night Miles asked were Spetz was and I told him that we had to get rid of him becuase he was different.  Okay, that's not exactly what I said, but it rang with that level of ugliness to him.  There was crying.  Inconsolable crying.  So I did what I thought was best: I treated Spetz like a real cat too.  

Miles (sobbing into the sofa): "Why did he have to go away?"

Me: "It was just his time to go, buddy."

Miles: "But I didn't want him to go."

Me: "You know what might help?  Talking about some of the things we like most about Spetz."

Miles: "Like what?"

Me: "Like how he kept you company every night, and listened to your all your music."

Miles (sobbing a little less): "He was also really funny."

Me (trying not to act too confused): "Ummm...yeah.  He really was."

Miles (crying turning to lauging): "He used to tell me to get up in the middle of the night and run down the hall."

Me (a little scared and concerned at this point and flashing back to the scene in A.I. were David goes into his parent's room in the middle of the night with scissors to cut off a lock of his mom's hair): "Spetz was so funny! He was a pretty good cat, wasn't he?"

Miles: "He was."

Life went on has it does for the next month or so.  We'd talk about Spetz the way one does when speaking of a relative you don't see much, but think of with great affection.  Then one day, my lady asked if I'd make a trip to the vet to get some flea and tick medicine for Edgar.  Oh...and while I was there "do you think you could ask for another Spetz?"  I knew they wouldn't have any more so I happily agreed.

So when I asked the receptionist at the vet's office if she had any of those 'little, white, squishy cats', she looked at me a little funny for one second.  And then she disapeared to the back for a few moments.  When she returned, she announced that I was in luck.  "This is our last one," she said as she placed another Spetz on the counter.  I smiled, paid for the medication, left and got into my truck.  I then took a photo of Spetz and sent it to my lady via text message.  Her response:

"No way!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes way.  This however, brought up a new set of questions.  Do I explain that Spetz came back after reconstructive surgery?  Do I pass it off like nothing happened?  As I drove home I realized what a predicament this really was.  We sort of had some closure with Spetz, and I felt it was sort of good practice for a four-year-old to deal with the death of a pet or loved one.

So when I got home we decided to just let the chips fall where they may.  I told Miles to reach into my jacket pocket.  His eyes lit up as he pulled out the new cat.  He took another step back and I asked what he thought.

Me: "What do you think, big guy?"

Miles: "It's Spetz Two."

Yep, Spetz Two.  That's how the mind of a kid works.  Spetz one minute, Spetz Two the next.  It's pretty amazing how quickly the mind transitions from closure to the next squishy cat.

So what's the takeaway?  What's the big lesson learned here?  I'm going to go with make sure to keep all edible toys out of reach of two-year-olds.

I spent about an hour with Toby, Michelle, Garrett, Halle and tiny, little Jenna tonight.  We had a good time playing around an old barn that belongs to a very dear friend.  Garrett and Halle modeled really well for me as the sun was setting.  I think the love, happiness and strength in this family is tangible in every image.  The kids are amazing little balls of energy, always exploring, laughing and looking for the next big thing.  Toby and Michelle are amazing and generous parents and people in their own right.

I'm pretty fortunate to call them family.

Here are a few golden moments before the automatic sprinklers chased us away:

 

 

 

 

Miles got a new 'skate-board' last night from his mommy.  This was the greeting he gave his babysitter today:

"Hi Jude!  This is my new toy!  It's a Yo-Baby!  It's a skateboard without wheels, and it comes with a DVD that his kids with skateboards and they light up!  Like ground effects or something!  And look, this is the deck, and this is the tail and these are the rails.  Oh...and look...this move: it's called the Peanut Flip!"

Say that last paragraph in one breath while sucking helium, and I think you'll get an idea.

 

My friend Pam always knew what she wanted to be.  She knew it when we washed carts together at Skamania Lodge throughout high school.  She knew it when we both worked at Bonneville Dam in the summers after.  She's now a top pediatric nurse at a gorgeous hospital in Vancouver.  In fact, in my high school yearbook, she prophesized that she'd deliver my kids.  I wrote in her yearbook that I'd photograph her wedding someday. 

Well that second part isn't exactly true.  I probably wrote: have a killer summa! 

Here were are though, years later.  My lady and Pam are closer friends than Pam and I ever were, and we got the immense privilege to witness the best day of Pam's life last weekend.  She and Jeff are absolutely perfect for each other and you can tell within seconds.  One of the best compliments you can give a couple is to tell them that they bring out the best in each other and it's absolutely tangible when you're around Jeff and Pam.

So here's to the future, and congrats!  Below are a few of my favorite shots from Saturday!  Thanks so much to Pam and Jeff for letting me capture your amazing day.

I met Tyler and Sharon the other day for an engagement session just outside of The Dalles.  They've been together for about as long as I've been married and I couldn't help but pick up on their affection, their energy and their hope.  And after spending some time with them, I can see why.  You see, Tyler is a die-hard Red Sox fan. And if you've ever met one, you know what kind of hell they've endured and how they just keep on hoping, and knowing that better things are just right around the corner.

Now they don't look like they've had the rug pulled out from under them too many times, but their relaxed excitement is palpable, and you know they're looking forward to their wedding next summer, the same way most BoSox fans feel about October in early April.

I could probably kill half-a-day swapping stories with Tyler about Pedro's 1999 season, Dave Roberts stealing second in 2004 and the upcoming play-offs, but I'll save that kind of intensity for their wedding day.

Here are a few of my favorite moments from Friday.

Several of these shots were taken on Sharon's grandpa's property.  It's a wonderland for a photographer because the place just oozes charm and character.  He collected stuff from all over and basically built a little village.  I'm not saying I watch Antique Roadshow, but if I did, they'd have to do some kind of a two-week special from this place.

 

A few weeks ago my friend Bert asked me if I'd second-shoot a gorgeous wedding with him in Hood River.  I jumped at the chance because a) photographers tend to work in their own little bubble, and I always jump at the chance to watch another artist in action and b) I know first-hand how valuable a second-shooter can be.  I combed through some of the photos this evening and pulled some of my favorites.  If you want to see more, check out Bert's website.  If he doesn't have them up already, he will soon.

Without further ado:

 

I'm posting more photos of my kids.  And ya know what, I don't care.

I'd been begging Rachel to buy the boys some clothes that weren't plastered with guitars or jungle animals so I could take a few 'timeless' shots of the kids before summer completely evaporated.  So a couple nights ago we all headed outside around dusk and played around the porch, the upper-field and the creek that runs through our yard.

If I could use one word to describe the boys in these shots, it's alive.  You can see the excitement and joy in their faces and laughter.  We've had an awesome summer here in the new house.  There's nothing quite like sitting our porch with a cool beverage and watching the boys run naked through the sprinker on a hot night.  And those photos...I'll save for embarassing them on their prom nights.

It's been a busy few weeks since my last post.  I second-shot at a wedding over labor day weekend, been a bit busier that usual at the office and I've been in a creative funk for the last few days.*  Though during this time, I've got a bit more sleep than usual, which is always nice.

Maybe it's the fact that I know that summer is coming to an end, but I decided to grab a few shots of the fam tonight at one of our favorite spots.  It was a pretty busy place tonight, but we managed to find a small area by the water where J.J. could throw giant rocks and Miles could fall in.  Always good times. 

* I'm blaming this on my parents.  They brought my kids a giant tub of my old Legos...to which my kids have felt lukewarm about, but I've since built the Caribbean Clipper, a Space Police Cruiser and the King's Castle is next.  As much as my father hated the sound of me pawing through Legos while he tried to watch 60 Minutes -- my lady might hate it more.  Though I feel far less guilty about it now, as it drowns out the sound of Giuliana and Bill very well.

Speaking of killing time between episodes of Breaking Bad: Nik at Nite has been airing reruns of Friends for the last week.  It holds up surprisingly well.  Between rewatching a show of which I had dozens of homemade VHS and playing with Legos...I'm re-living the 90's pretty well.  Time to bust out a basketball and crank some Boyz II Men.

I have spent the better part of the last month ruthlessly editing and carefully tweaking over 2,000 photos from Kayli and Kyle's wedding.  And after all that time, I'm very happy to say, I'll be putting the final package in the mail on Monday.  This is, without a doubt, the longest my turnaround has taken from the shoot to delivery, but I'm quite happy with the results.

Once again, Kayli and Kyle: Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to capture such an amazing and magical day with you, your families and all your friends.

I also want to thank my ol' buddy Bert.  He is a phenomenal second-shooter and assistant, sounding board, and possesses incredible vision.

Without further ado, here's an extended preview of some of the photos that will arrive for Kayli and Kyle in this week.  Enjoy.

Flowers and arrangements were done by Stacey Yeaman

The cake was made by Alia Pierson of Peace Love Dessert

Hair was by Kandice Stewart of Alter Ego Salon.

Miles, looking up over a bowl of tomato soup with grilled cheese: "Daddy!  Listen to how good I can say 'Miles': "Myyy-ellz".

He'll be the next John Malkovich, with over-pronunciation like that.

***

Earlier today, Miles put on a monkey mask and snuck up on me.  It worked and startled me.

Me: "Hello Monkey."

Miles: Stares at me and for a moment I feel like one of the Zodiac killer's victims...

Me (nervously): "How are you, Monkey?"

Miles: Continues staring.  I try and lighten the mood.

Me: "Can I call you Cornelius?"

Miles: "You may call me Curious George."

Me: Whew.

***

Last night, while we watched the Seahawks lose, Miles and I saw this commercial.  I may or may not have googled: "Jack in the box male stripper" to find it.  Sporadically throughout today, Miles has entered a room and announced: "Ladies, you have the right to remain sexy!" (However, he pronounces 'sexy' as 'seh-seeeeee!' It's all I can do to keep a straight face.

***

JJ has been running around the house pointing out the window and shouting "A monster!".  Only it doesn't sound like he's saying monster.  Miles had to interpret.  It comes out in a lower, clenched voice and JJ yells: "Monthtah!"  If you really want to know what it sounds like, say it out-loud and punch yourself in a tender location.  You'll get the same effect.